My cooking so far has felt a little flustered and disorganised, particularly towards the end of a session. I put extra effort into today’s order of work in the hope of giving myself more time and space. Instead of weighing out ingredients for several dishes and trying to do too many things at once (my default approach) I separate things out. I want to win this war with small but smug victories in a series of minor skirmishes.
Just to give you an idea, here is today’s order of work, exactly as I wrote it up last night:
GRAPE & MELON with MINT
CRUNCHY RHUBARB CRUMBLE TART
BROWN BREAD
LEMONADE
09.00 Oven @ 200ºC. Weigh for pastry
09.10 Make pastry and chill
09.15 Weigh for bread
09.20 Make bread
09.30 Bake bread
09.35 Clean up
09.40 Make syrup for lemonade
09.45 Line flan tin and chill
09.55 Clean up and weigh for starter
10.05 Ball melon
10.10 Peel and de-seed grapes
10.20 Assemble starter and chill
10.25 Bread out and blind bake tart
10.30 Clean up
10.40 Egg wash tart
10.45 Weigh up for crumble and take tart out
10.50 Make crumble - big lumps
10.55 Fill tart
11.00 Tart goes in
11.05 Clean up
11.15 Make lemonade
11.25 Clean up
11.30 Melon out and plate up
11.35 Tart out and whip cream
11.45 Plate up tart
11.50 Tasting
Have another look at the top of the order of work. Grape and Melon with Mint. How hard can that be? Crunchy Rhubarb Crumble Tart. Okay, a bit trickier, but it’s not like I have to build my own tandoor or anything is it? Brown Bread. Soda bread - piece of piss. Lemonade. Get the picture? It is not that hard. It shouldn’t take three hours, should it? (Incidentally, where it says things like make pastry and chill that means make the pastry then chill it in the fridge, not make pastry then kick back and take it easy for a while). Wanna know what really happened? It went something like this….
09.00 Oven @ 200ºC. Weigh for pastry
09.10 Make pastry and chill
09.20 Weigh for bread
09.25 Make bread
09.35 Bake bread
09.40 Clean up
09.45 Make syrup for lemonade
09.55 Take pastry from fridge. Not cold enough. Put back.
10.00 Nothing to clean up
10.05 Ball melon
10.10 Grapes are fine as they are. Squeeze citrus fruit for starter
10.20 Chop mint. Assemble starter. Chill
10.25 Have another go at pastry. Fuck it up
I might just pause here for a second. I want to win this war with small but smug victories in a series of minor skirmishes. You might win some but you just lost one. The order of work is basically a house of cards. It is unspeakably fragile and you handle it, like pastry, as delicately as possible. The minute one thing goes out of the window, the rest is buggered. If that thing is pastry, and you have to re-cool it, you can forget everything you planned. Three hours indeed.
10.30 Put pastry back into a ball and put in freezer
10.35 Clean up
10.40 Remember the bread I have forgotten. Needs longer
10.45 Try pastry again
10.50 Remember bread again. Cool
10.55 Someone cuts themselves and faints
11.00 Finally get tin lined with pastry. Freeze
11.05 Chop rhubarb and sprinkle with sugar
11.10 Weigh for crumble
11.15 Chop almonds for crumble
11.20 Make crumble
11.25 Clean up
11.30 Blind bake tart
11.35 Make lemonade
11.40 Chill plate and glass for starter
11.45 Whip cream and chill
11.50 Tart out and fill
11.55 Bake tart
12.00 Clean up
12.05 Plate up starter and bread. Ice for lemonade
12.10 Tasting
12.15 Clean up
12.30 Tart out and plate up with cream
12.35 Tasting
12.40 Clean up
12.41 Slice off thumbnail whilst cleaning hob
Now, there is some debate about what actually separates us from the apes. Tea is very high up the list in my opinion. (The PG Tips ads were fakes by the way, like the moon landing). Just think, next time you sup on a brew, “Ah, tea. It’s what separates us from the apes.” It’s not just the drink itself but what it stands for - taking things from nature, harnessing their power, processing them and consuming them for pleasure. In dainty little cups and saucers with pinkies raised to the sky.
Contrary to popular belief, the presence of opposable thumbs does not separate us from the apes, since they have them too. It does separate primates from every other species though. I spend most of the afternoon wondering what to do about my thumb. It is a freak accident. I show people. They either turn away and gag or helpfully comment that they’ve never seen anything like it before. Neither have I. Could my weird thumbnail threaten my anatomical superiority over other creatures? I hope not, I’ve seen what those hens have to eat.
Luckily, it is my right thumb. I am right handed, but that means you are holding big things like knives and spoons in your right. You need to grab and hold with your left what you cut with your right, so it shouldn’t be too much of a problem. I may have to reluctantly visit a doctor tomorrow to make sure it doesn’t get infected and to try and ascertain if and how it might think about growing back. I know what he’s going to say mind you. “Well I’ve never seen anything like that before, now have I?” Maybe I’ll just put the kettle on instead.
Good luck with your foray into the real world today - will be interested in hearing how you fared in the 'shitfight'!
ReplyDelete